‘Do you wish to be a suicide bomber?’ The al-Qaeda ‘application form’ is plain ridiculous

By Sarakshi Rai for FirstPost here. 

‘Do you wish to execute a suicide operation?’ ‘How much of the holy Qur’an have you memorised?’ These are just a few of the questions people have to answer in order to be eligible for an al-Qaeda membership. And all you bad spellers and illegible writers out there, good penmanship is necessary.

Yes, like any other corporate, even the al Qaeda requires people to submit a ‘job application’.

The US government recently released whole bunch of classified documents recovered from Osama bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad, and among them was this application to join the terrorist group.

al qaeda job application

The application reads like any other job questionnaire on Linkedin or one of the many corporate offices except for some of the hilarious and some spine chilling questions it asks.

For example, it asks “Do you wish to become a suicide bomber?” with utter nonchalance, like it’s complete normal to want to blow yourself up. But then anyone who is planning to join a terror group is not ‘normal’ by any standard we recognize.

The form says that the applicants also have to provide contact details of the next of kin “in case you become a martyr”, thereby, displaying how these organisations peddle terrorism as an opportunity for martyrdom.

Each page according to Office of the Director of National Intelligence has a watermark that reads, “The Security Committee – al-Qa’ida Organization” and “O ye people of faith, be vigilant.” 

The application starts off like any other mundane application form you fill up and asks for personal contact information, employment and educational experience and language skill other than Arabic. But it slowly starts to get more invasive and demands to know if you prefer “science or literature?” or whether “you know any workers or experts in chemistry, communications, or any other field?” 

Now you’d probably laugh at the thought that, why like an anxious middle class Indian mother, a terror group would be bothered about what stream of education it’s aspiring trainees like. But, hello, do you even watch films? Have you seen the kind of dialogues that terrorists need to inflict on its young recruits to make them want to kill themselves? It wouldn’t quite hurt if the folks knew their Shakespeare and wrote up a storm of a speech, right? Then again, bombs is science. You’re right if you think that the only talent you need to join a terror group is insanity, but it helps if you are an insane nerd, isn’t it. That way al-Qaeda can use fresh homemade bombs instead of spending on buying them perhaps.

The terrorist group wants to know if you have any family members “working for the government” and obviously the next one is if they’d be willing to “help or cooperate with them“. ‘Jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?‘, evidently, is not a disease that ails apna Delhi dudes.

Then again, the organisation cares deeply about the applicants’ hobbies too. As in ones apart from killing innocents. If there are indeed such humanly qualities in their recruits, the organisation would want to know about them. And we guess, put an end to them too.

It’s clear to say that in the hidden mountains underneath the al Qaeda stronghold lies an HR office where officials are busy sorting out application forms. Jokes aside though this application form tell us the truth that a terrorist organisation like the al Qaeda has strong bureaucratic foundations and like Vox points out is in the “business” of mass-murdering innocent people.

Read the full application here:

Al Qaeda – application form by Firstpost

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